Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
