just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
