the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dignity is for republicans.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
