I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
