Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
