i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What drink are we having for lunch?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
