believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
