Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
