it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
