y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
