the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
