I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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