Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize