I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
