just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So vagazzling was a success
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
