guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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