Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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