I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
