is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
