So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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