So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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