hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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