There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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