dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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