If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
