I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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