okay pat passed out under dana's car
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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