if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize