Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
