Jerry, you need to find god
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
