she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
