In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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