Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
