8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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