Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize