go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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