He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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