I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
