I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
