He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
