if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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