So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am available for nakedness
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
