that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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