she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
