I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
