I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
