There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
