I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dear god my vagina.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
