i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They took my balls.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
