no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
