drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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