I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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