Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
