My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
