you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize