Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
