we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
