ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
