R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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