Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize