every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize