i always forget guys have bellybuttons
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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