You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
