I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
