take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
