We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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