Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
