We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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