You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
