He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize