just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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