Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
