Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
