At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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