p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
