I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
