You just made me feel so damn special
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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