I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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