I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
