it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do vagina's smell?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
