fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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