You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
