I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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