i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
