I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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