why didn't you poke me back
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
âOn a breakâ is implied when itâs a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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