we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
