Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
