No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize