Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
