She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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