I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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