We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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