Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize