Do vagina's smell?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
