I CAN MOONWALK!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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