I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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