I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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