I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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