Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
