sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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