My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
