Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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