I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
